Brilliant. Thank you everyone. So, welcome to today's session. Can women have it all? I'm Victor Ortigosa and I work for BT. I'm a senior manager for strategic initiatives under cloud communications. So today's session, I do want to try and make a little bit interactive.So I will be asking you a couple of questions, so please participate in the chat and put your answers there and share it with everybody else. Um It will be really, really appreciated. So, um I hope you're enjoying the session so far and really supporting women tech network is an absolutely brilliant event and I'm so pleased to be part of it. So, thank you for joining my session today. So, what is this session all about? Well, can women have it all? And I'm sure we all know the answer to that. I definitely would say the answer to that is yes, but I guess the real question is, do we really believe in that answer? So, as part of, you know, women growing and developing things have changed hugely over the years and just going back to what the past has and what we should have been doing as women and what was perceived of us is, is really, really different to what it is today. And I really want to share a story with you. Um Because to this day, I still do not forget this story. So literally, I'd just given birth to my son. He's 15 now.

And uh we were having our antenatal session with the girls like we always do every week. And I happened to mention that after 5.5 months, I was gonna go back to work full time. Now, back then, my job was very full on. Um, it meant me traveling away from home a few nights a week, et cetera. And on top of that, as we all do, I was trying to get back into shape, wanted to get back in shape after having the baby. So I was hitting the gym three or four times a week and I never forget one of the girls from the group said to me, so you're going back to work full time, you're putting your child in the nursery for a couple of days and you're also hitting the gym three or four times a week.

So who's going to cook dinner for your husband? So, as you can imagine, my jaw dropped, my eyes literally popped out of my head. And I basically said, do you know what my husband is quite capable of cooking his own dinner? I'm not here to cook his dinner every night. And that was 15 years ago. So things have moved on since then, thankfully, and the world has changed. However, I'm sure all of you have experienced some comments like that. So before we go into the next session of, of the uh presentation, I'd like you all to take a couple of seconds just to reflect on the first question that I've put on this slide. What does having it all mean to you? So if you can just put that in the chat, that'd be great. So I'll give you all a few seconds to do that. Superwoman. Love it. Absolutely good job and good mom. I like that doing whatever I want, work, family freedom, excelling in all areas of your life. That's a brilliant one as well. And having what I want without being guilty, we'll touch on guilt later in this conversation and having my own freedom. Yeah, there's some really good answers. So thank you for sharing with the audience. I think it's really important that we all understand what we're all thinking because I think you'll find that we all have very, very similar thoughts. Harmony. That's a nice one. Brilliant. Thank you girls.

So, um on the next question, um, what do you regularly feel guilty about and beat yourself up about? Now? I'm gonna put my hand up because I used to do this absolutely all the time and I still do. Um, currently every so often I beat myself up for not being a good mom. Um, I used to be a wife. I am now a single mom and gone through a divorce. Um, and I constantly beat myself up. Am I doing good enough? Um, should I be doing more? Have I, am I spending enough time with my son and on top of that, I'm a part time carer for my mother who's also 81 and lives with me and have, you know, quite a senior role with BT. So, you know, it's, it's quite a big challenge to, um, try and cover all of that and not feel guilty at some point in your life. So again, just a few seconds. Um, can you all reflect on that question? And again, in the chat, just mention a few things that you feel guilty about. Maybe just one big one that you do every time that you beat yourself up about taking time for me. Absolutely putting myself lost, not giving enough time to my family. These are all sounding very familiar and all the ones that I felt guilty about too, not making time for myself, not starting my own business. I could be anything I want. Absolutely not taking a knife time out from my family.

So these are all really, really common grounds that we've all I think experienced and I can say, you know, personally I have as well, you know, uh, not spending enough time with my son. I think I have always felt guilty about, but I've also learned to recognize that actually, you know, a happy mother or a happy person in yourself actually reflects on other people. And so my son has thankfully grown up to be a very independent young man. Um, I'm lucky he can cook, he can iron. Um, and, you know, I think he's making himself some breakfast right now because he's off with a bare foot. So, um, you know, I think sometimes we guilt trip ourselves for things that actually is not really a problem or it's not a problem on those around you. So, moving on what I really want you to do today. Um And today is really about taking that time out for yourselves to reflect, grow and really believe in yourself because I think these are the things that we generally don't take the time out to do. I know over the last couple of years, I've done a lot of reflecting, really looked up what made me happy, what was really, you know, what made me feel like I've performed really, really well. Uh What gave me that buzz every morning.

Um You know, what rocked my boat and, and actually, um I started to challenge myself a lot more. Um I started to do lots more things and, and also I shared those experiences by helping others I think, which is a really good way to not only build your own confidence up and your own self. Esteem, but also to share your experiences because we've all been through so many different changes in our lives, both personally and professionally that it's really important to share those with others and help them through their journeys. So don't leave it in the chat today.

But what I do want you to promise me is that you will ask yourself these questions. So the first thing is really what, you know, what do you, what really makes you happy and fulfilled? What is it that really rocks your boat? The next thing I really want you to look at is look back and write down all the things you have achieved. Now, when somebody asked me to do this, I really struggled. Um I'm one of those people that I feel like I have to do everything 100 times perfect. Um And I'm always on the go reflect and really look at what I've achieved and then when I do achieve something and someone actually gives me a compliment, I tend to brush it under the carpet, I tend to think, oh, well, you know, that's just my job or it's who I am. And actually, you know, what we should be doing is really writing those down and actually recognizing them for what they are. You know, it doesn't matter how big or small they are. All of these achievements are not easy. And when you're juggling life day in and day out, we forget about them and actually what we also forget is not only do we do them, we maintain them and I think that is the most important thing, you know, we can all sit here and say, oh, great.

We've just got a new promotion, but it's maintaining that level or maintaining that job or, you know, maintaining being a good mum or whatever it is that you've set your mind to is actually really hard. And so we beat ourselves up all the time for not achieving things and not recognizing things. But actually, you know what, when you write them all down, you'll be absolutely shocked how much you have achieved and how much you maintained. And I think the final thing that I really want you to all ask yourselves is recognize the areas that nag you. Um what I would say is what stops you from coming out of that comfort zone, that feeling great about yourself. And actually, what is it around you that demotivates you that derails you that breaks that um flow in your journey because that's just as important. Those red flags really do stop you. And that could be people, it could be things in external circumstances that are completely out of your control. But they will be things that will have an impact on you and recognizing those early on in your journey is so important. So there's one thing that I want you guys to all do today if you haven't already is absolutely take time out, take time out to reflect, to grow and really believe in yourself.

Because believe me, you can all do this, but it's really important to take that time out. So how can we motivate ourselves and others? And as you can see on my slide, there's lots of things there that I've already sort of briefed on. But the one thing I really do recognize that we don't do enough is actually celebrate our successes and our achievements. Um And where I say celebrate, we will all sit here and celebrate a birthday, an, an an anniversary, a wedding, but we don't celebrate our own successes, you know, unless it's something big. So actually, I think what we need to start doing is really start celebrating all of them, no matter how small or big they are because the more we recognize them and the more we celebrate them, the more we will feel good about ourselves and the more we will stretch ourselves into succeeding and growing and really helping each other.

So I've mentioned a few other things there, obviously, recognizing the negatives we've already spoken about in the previous slide. So please make sure we do that. Um Sharing our experiences, you know, this is one of the things that I'm doing today with all of you. I think it's really important that we share what we've gone through. You know, sometimes we've failed at work, you know, sometimes we feel like we haven't done things good enough. Sometimes our personal lives have taken a detour that we never expected. But actually sharing those things with everybody else really does help understand not only how it impacts you but how it impacts everyone else as well and also that you're not alone. So I think it's really important to share those experiences. Obviously, you know, believing yourself is a big one. You know, we really need to do that and that's within, you know, no one can change that. You can have people that will give you positives, you can have people that will boost your feeling and your energy. But at the end of the day, believing yourself is all within yourself and, and you have to start believing in yourself in order for you to come out of your comfort zone and, and really start to grow in what you want to achieve. And again, you know, that sort of goes hand in hand with, don't ever undersell yourself. You know, if you were selling your house tomorrow, you would absolutely make sure it looked immaculate.

You would spec it and you would absolutely sell it as a wonderful opportunity for someone to buy. So actually, don't undersell yourself. You are your own biggest asset. And I think that's one thing we should remember that we are who we are and we are our own biggest asset. So whatever you put into yourself is what you have to offer to other people. So never ever undersell yourself, no matter how big or small you cover in a day to day, make sure you reflect that, make sure you show that. Um And actually make sure you're proud of that. And I think the final top three is really about how we can use some of our other external factors to really help us. So, networking groups and events like this are absolutely brilliant for sharing, learning, motivating ourselves and also growing. So, you know, the more you can join of these events and the more you can participate, the more you'll get something out of it and you'll recognize that actually you're not alone. And the other one that I found very useful personally, but also helping others is mentoring. You know, I've got myself a mentor and he's been an absolute great support through a lot of the things that I've been challenging myself on recently. And I also enjoy mentoring other people. And I think that's a real satisfaction for me.

So, you know, if you find that helping others and you know, sharing your experiences and motivating others is something you enjoy, then use it because I think this is something that will also help you. And uh you know, I'm here to help whoever, you know, by all means you can im me later. Any questions I will happily help if I can. And I guess finally it's commitment, you know, we have to be committed um you know, you, you get what you put into things and therefore committing yourself is, is really important, but don't ever feel like you have to achieve everything in one, go take it in small steps, you know, commit to what you can.

And if you don't do it today, but you do it tomorrow, that's absolutely fine. You know, there is no issues at all by not achieving it all in one day, you know, and that's not a failure. So please recognize there is no specific timeline on these things. So top tips and I'm hoping you guys can take this away with you and remind yourself every day. Um So that you can keep thriving and growing and really believe in yourself. So I sort of look at myself like a little bit of a rechargeable battery. Um I generally have a lot of energy anyway. Um As you can probably tell on this call, however, um I think it's really important to fill that battery up with all the positives, the more you can fill it up with positives, the more you can reflect on that and the more you can keep topping it up, the more you will feel confident and your self esteem will just naturally glow.

You won't have to make an effort around that. It will just naturally happen. So please, you know, make sure you're filling those positives up and that goes back to recognizing them every day. Um Let go of those negatives. You know, there are certain things we cannot influence, there are certain things that are out of our control and therefore we can't do anything about it. So let go of them um surround yourself with positive people, those energy givers that give you that buzz that lift you up, that help them support you drive the journey that you're trying to achieve. And I think that's really important, as I mentioned before, positives are really, really key. So once you start to write those down every day, you will start recognizing them more and more and you will start believing them more and more. So, you know, if the only thing you can take away from today is that I would say start writing your positives today. And finally, I have a journal and I use it a kind of way to sort of set myself some challenges, you know, use it as a way to set how I'm feeling log my positives and really just rate myself.

You know, there's things that happen every day in your life and some make you feel awful and some make you feel like you're on top of the world. So, you know, it's good to reflect on that and write them down. So again, just a reminder, you know, one thing I want you all to do is really to take that time out and reflect, grow and believe in yourself. So finally, before we go into some Q and A towards the end, let's all start today. We know we can have it all ladies. You know, that's absolutely doable, but we need to believe we can and we can also go from good to great. So the only thing I do ask and if you can put it into the chat, that'll be great. At the end of the presentation is set yourself a challenge today. You know, what will it be that will build your confidence, knowledge and achieve new things? Because I think if you start that mindset today, you will keep it going all the way through the week. You've had loads of great sessions this week to help support that. And I think, you know, there'll be loads more sessions going forward to keep you motivated. So we need to go and make it happen and I love my boxing. I do it every Monday. It's a great buzz for me. So I guess for today's session, I think, you know, let's all make it a knockout for you. Set yourself that challenge, give it a good punch and make it a knockout. So thank you for your time today, ladies.

Um It's really been an honor to um present at Women Tech Network. We still have a few minutes. So if you have any questions, please, can you put them in for the chat and I will try to answer them as best as I can. Any questions from anyone Thank you so much. Appreciate it. Um My mentor is somebody that I used to work with. So he was a director, not one of my directors directly for me, but he was a director that I used to work closely with. And I just asked him as a favor and he, uh he said yes. So sometimes it could be people that, you know, so please let me look out who you have. Absolutely. Women can certainly have it all. And it's always what's important to you. It's not about what's perceived by other people. It's what makes you feel fulfilled. What makes you feel happy and what makes you feel like you've got it all in your life and please don't come back cos we're all different. Um And I think that's a really important thing to have. Brilliant. I like the idea you're gonna go and be more positive. That's the way to do it. Positivity gets you everywhere. So the more positive you can be, the more you see those positives, the more you will start to grow naturally do I think mentoring and sponsorship is more effective? Um I think it has helped, I mean, it's definitely helped me.

Um I've never had a mentor until probably about a year and a half ago. And to be honest, it's been an absolutely great help. It's a very good way to bounce your ideas off. It's a good way to share what you're going to be doing or, you know, certain scenarios that you, you really want to bounce off and find out. Are you approaching it in the right way? And sometimes it's just nice to have a really good rant with somebody um that understands where you're coming from and it's all about sharing how you're feeling. So I think, you know, mentorship can be very useful and it can be very helpful. Um It all depends what you're looking for. I, yes, I have had some experience with anxiety. Um I'm a really big overthink up and also quite perfectionist sometimes and uh there has been moments in my life that I have struggled with anxiety. Um And again, please Im me, um you know, you've got my links or, or on the chat, please Im me later and I'll happily talk through some of those experiences and what I did to overcome them. So any questions you have, please either connect with me on linkedin or, or message me directly and I'll happily help imposter syndrome. Yes. Oh my God. Um I used to always think I was never good enough, believe it or not.

Um I used to nag myself all the time, never accept a compliment, especially in work. Um And, and that was a really, really big thing for me to overcome that goes back into believing in yourself and recognizing those positives because the moment you can see everything you've achieved in front of you, the more you can then go actually, what was I beating myself up about?

And why was I always saying I'm not good enough. So, so really do look at those, write them down and you'll be surprised how quickly that imposter syndrome disappears because you'll start believing more positive in yourself. You're welcome everyone. It's been my pleasure to do this session with you all today. I've really enjoyed it. Um And it's been a great opportunity for me. So thank you very much. Like I say, any questions, please let me know, hope you enjoy the rest of the event and please uh keep in touch and let me know if there's anything I can help you with. Thank you.