Navigating Career Ambition WITHOUT Mom Guilt

Automatic Summary

Navigating Ambition as a Mother: A Tale of Self-Awareness, Boundaries and Non-Negotiables

Welcome to a journey of discovering the harmony between ambition and motherhood, a story of resilience, self-discovery and self-esteem. I'm Misha Frazier, an Air Force veteran, a mother of four, a wife of ten years, and a full-time entrepreneur. With each role comes its challenges, but despite them all, my mantra is: life is not easy, but it's not impossible. I'm navigating the dynamics of being a mother, a wife and a career woman. You too can enjoy this journey and let go of any guilt associated with trying to be a superwoman.

Recognizing the Challenge

Balancing the responsibilities of being a high-performing professional and a nurturing mother can feel like a tug of war. Burdens can pile up, making you alternate between feelings of triumph and overwhelm. From personal experience and working with various women from different walks of life, I understand there might be days where you would feel like a winner and other days when you feel daunted by the weight of motherhood and work. However, you are not alone, we all have those days.

Changing The Superwoman Narrative

The Superwoman cape can sometimes be a mantle of guilt, pressure or people-pleasing and it's important to question why and when we wear it. The key to handling these responsibilities without feeling guilty is to establish solid boundaries and non-negotiables.

Introducing Congruence

A crucial concept is congruence, which involves aligning what you need, feel and express honestly. For instance, the energy behind some of our decisions could reveal a pressure to multitask, often leading to dividing attention and not being able to dedicate 100% to either work or family. Hence, it's essential to say no to things you can't fully commit to, without feeling guilty.

Learning to Establish Boundaries and Non-Negotiables

Being firm about non-negotiables and enforcing boundaries are critical. Whether it's agreeing to attend only one event a week or deciding on work availability, these definitions help you create a healthy balance. Not honoring these boundaries might end in failure and exhaustion. This balance is a testament to effective leadership in all aspects of life: home, work, and self.

Questions for Reflection

So, are you feeling a bit overwhelmed with your responsibilities? Here are four questions to ask yourself:

  • What do I need to hear, know, or believe in this moment?
  • What action or decision can I take that's most congruent with my feelings?
  • What boundaries do I need to put in place to protect myself in moments like this?
  • Is this act, task, or decision a non-negotiable for me?

Video Transcription

Hello and welcome. I am thrilled to meet you here today. Welcome to navigating ambition without Mom Gil because we have such a short time together. I wanna walk you through uh just a brief overview of my background. I won't go through the entire piece of it.I just want to hit on the key aspects that I think is important and relevant for this conversation, right? So my name is Misha Frazier. The V does matter if you're looking me up online. I'm an air force veteran. I am a mom of four little people. This picture was taken last year when my littles were a little bit littler. I am walking into my 10th year of my marriage. I am uh a mom of two pandemic babies, believe it or not. I had two back to back pandemic babies. 12 weeks was delivered to before the whole world shut down in March of 2020 the other 16 months later. So it has been a fun journey and my husband and I have been raising these four rearing these floors uh for little people without any family support here locally. I think it's worth noting too, that I'm a long term breast feeding mom. When I worked in a traditional corporate capacity, I was a long term breast feeding mom. I am current day as well. I think it's relevant again to paint the full picture of what the potential for pressure and guilt could look like. For me, I am a former certified hr professional. Um, I've worked with Fortune 500 Organizations down to startup companies. Um I've recently transitioned to full-time entrepreneurship.

I always say whenever people hear my entire background, knowing that I have four kids and my husband and I do it by ourselves and that I do all the things. Um I always say that it's, it's a lot of people need it with saying that it sounds like you're overwhelmed, it sounds like a lot and I always meet it with saying it's not easy but it's not impossible, right? And I share that with this disclaimer that I wanna share with you right now. I like so many of you. I still figuring out this motherhood, wife, career ambition thing. You know, just when you think you've mastered one aspect of it, something else changes just when you think you find you found a rhythm with, let's say working out, then you get pregnant again or let's say you have a rhythm at home, but then you take on a new work project or you introduce a new uh schedule, maybe there's a sport into the family there are so many moments where it feels daunting and impossible and some days are a heck of a lot easier than others.

But I speak power over myself daily. And I say that to say, I don't use certain words that may be tiktok. Trendy, trendy, right? I don't use words like hot mess or not enough or fail or guilty. And it doesn't mean that I don't have moments. It just means that when I have these moments of doubt, I know how to navigate myself out of them without feeling guilty. And in today's presentation, I wanna teach you my exact approach to handling all of this uh as an ambitious mom, wife, all the things without feeling guilty. So why are you here? You are here because you're an ambitious mom too, but you're feeling like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. Maybe that's because of work life balance. You've been super wanted up until recently and now you've started to feel the beginning stages or current stages of burnouts.

Maybe even the pandemic gave that to you. You toggle somewhere between feeling like you're a high achiever or a hot mess, depending on the day of the week, right? You feel guilty, you feel overwhelmed, disappointed and just not enough, there's just not enough time, not enough me, not enough help, not enough support. My objective in this training is to disrupt your idea of what it means to be a working mom and not just shake it up. I wanna introduce a new perspective. A little bit of a shift here in this 20 minutes together so that you can take away. And my intention is to help you learn to acknowledge your experiences and your feelings and validate them. But I also want you to raise your level of self awareness in those moments so that you can lead yourself out of them and have some level of leader like discernment into what to do next. I want to empower you to establish boundaries and last but not least I wanna provide you with an actionable tool that you can implement today so that you can walk away, feeling empowered. We are amazing at teaching kindness, patience, love to our kids, right? But we often forget to access that within ourselves. So tell me, what do you need to hear in this moment? Tell me in the comments. What do you need to hear most? Do you need to hear that you're doing a great job?

Do you need to hear that you're loved? Do you need to hear that you're safe? Do you need to know that you're supported? Do you need to know that things are going to work out for you? Do you need to know that you are fully capable of getting to the other side of this? Tell me in the comments, what is it that you need to hear most? I'll give you a couple of seconds to do that. What I know about you is that you are built, you are built with a massive need to love and nurture and care for everyone and to solve everything. You're a get it done kind of girl, right? It's what makes you brilliant at work is why you operate with excellence and confidence in your job. That's why you have the capacity and potential for excellence and confidence until you're not right. You feel confident and empowered until you don't, until you realize that you are struggling.

Like you just wake up and realize that it feels daunting, it feels like the weight of the world. You pour everything into good and Children who believe in themselves despite their little learning curves, right? And yet here you are this incredibly brilliant, empowered and confident mom full of anguish and disappointment. And yo, because you don't know how to solve every working mother's greatest challenge and that's being great at home and at work, don't we all struggle with some version of this? Right?

So in this moment, I want to give you permission to remove the cake. OK? I want to let you know that I know it's easier said than done. I've personally struggled with this three years. I still struggle with it. Now, I've coached many women at many levels within organizations who struggle with the same thing. I don't even think it's necessary that we are all meant to not feel like superwomen, you know, I think that it serves some of us in some capacities. I just think that it's important to uh recognize the origin of when you implement superwoman. Is it because you feel guilty? Is it because you feel like you're going to disappoint someone, is it feel because you feel like you're gonna let someone down, is there some level or angle of people pleasing that has activated that super woman spirit within you? Have you questioned that the origin of Superwoman?

Yeah, I wanna introduce to you a couple of concepts, right? And I wanna introduce them to you because I want you to consider that the energy behind the decisions. And if you can understand the energy behind the decisions, the emotion behind the decisions, maybe you could have more control of them. And the first concept I want to introduce is about congruence, congruent, parenting, just congruence as a whole. And it means learning to create a relationship with what you need and what you express what you feel and what you express, I say parenting. But again, this kind of relates to any category of your life as a uh ambitious woman. It requires you. The thing about congruence is it requires you to be brave enough to stop hiding behind your excuses when deciding something. Remember I said a moment ago, the energy behind Super woman. Sometimes when we wear the cape, we hide behind the the the deception or the excuse that no one else is gonna do it, no one else can do it like I can. And so we activate superwoman because that's the narrative we taught ourselves. Here's an example of what congruence is not, right? We really have a, a great way of convincing ourselves. We're multitasking when we do certain things. Um often saying yes to doing things because we feel guilty or pressured into doing them.

We feel some level of obligation and you try to reconcile those feelings by multitasking, right? And an example of that, I hear a lot of women who use this as a way of showing they're capable of doing it all by bringing their laptops everywhere they go to their kids' games or to their kids to doctor's appointments and all these things or maybe showing up and forcing themselves to work and forcing themselves to push through certain things.

The thing about that is when you say to something from this place of when you say yes to something from this place of pressure, you're often not operating within your greatness because you're attempting to multitask. And when you're multitasking like this, bringing your laptop to your kid's game, how much value are you really delivering to either? Right? Like who is getting 100% of you? You're not getting 100%. Your work isn't getting 100% your Children isn't getting 100%. And that's ok if the intent is to only give your kid 20% of you or your project or whatever that is 50% of you, right? Or to completely disregard what you need in that moment so that you could show up for work. That's ok if that's what you agreed to, if you agree to out of a place of congruence, not out of pressure. Are you following me there? Right? You tell yourself, you don't want to disappoint anyone. But the reality is that you become an expert at pretending tolerating and mask wearing when we behave like this, we become an expert at this. So how do you do this without feeling guilty? How do we wear the cape handle the things we're responsible for without being guilty? And the key here is the second concept that I want to introduce to you and it's about enforcing boundaries and establishing non negotiables for me. A non-negotiable.

A great example is already agreeing to your Children that maybe you are only going to attend one event this week or one event this month or telling your work that you're only going to be available on the weekends, one weekend of the month or only available for cross uh country calls, once or twice a week, whatever that looks like for you going out of the country or going out of for travel when you're not, when you're learning to be honest with yourself about how you're not giving your full attention to things you have you also have to learn to say no, right.

And in order to be able to say no with ease and confidence, you have to have a clear understanding and definition of why you're doing it. And that's where your boundaries and your non negotiables come in. Not only are you clear on the value exchange for your decision making? Uh but you're able to effectively communicate the why behind it at home or at work, for instance, you decide that a non-negotiable is breastfeeding, right? But in order to do that and sustain it as a working mom in an office, you have to ensure you have a schedule that has boundaries so that you can continue to breastfeed at home, right? Otherwise, if you don't establish proper boundaries about this non-negotiable, that you've decided, you risk ruining yourself, setting yourself up for failure, right? You are more likely to fail because you did not respect the boundaries you established for the non-negotiable or disregarded them.

And we do a great job of disregarding those boundaries. And I dare say, if we continuously disregard our boundaries, maybe the thing we're saying is in a non-negotiable, maybe it's not as high of a priority as we thought it was, right? One of the best things I've given to myself, excuse me, as a working mom is being open to considering these moments as seasons or invitations to grow, excuse me, to evolve and to consider how I can be a better leader from my home for my work for myself. Because leadership isn't something that's specific to work. And sometimes we forget that, that we are leaders, we're leaders of these little people, we have leaders of our home, our business, our careers, whatever that is, and being an effective leader requires you to be accountable for the results that you have at home and at work. And when those results aren't producing or delivering on the promise that you expected, it's time to reevaluate and not only reevaluate, it's time to realign, right? And as a working mom, one of the best things you can do in this season of your life is to ensure that when you are realigning your cross referencing, all those things you chose to do against all the things that you must do and really sit with them to see if they are non-negotiable.

And if they are what boundaries need to be in place to protect them, establish a clear discernment system like clear black and white as a baseline for adding or removing responsibility so that you can feel more in control because a lot of times that's what we start to feel out of control and closing it.

I wanna share with you the four questions I ask myself when I have moments like this, what do I need to hear? Know or believe in this moment? What action or decision can I take? That's most congruent with my feelings. What boundaries need to be in place to better protect myself in moments like this. And is this action task or decision a non-negotiable for me? Those are the four things that you can ask yourself as you're struggling through this in closing. I just wanna say, thank you so much. I wish you nothing but pure energy, pure support and pure power over your ability to lead yourself. If you're looking for me online, you can find me at linkedin and she Frazier on uh Instagram at hackers and I'm also on tiktok. Thank you. So.